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Monkeeish Punchlines

(....sort of)
January 11 of 2000

You would rather hear these one-liners?!?
Here's a link to wavs of dialogues and quotes.
"You do and I'll be sorry!!" --Micky

"Badges?!!  We don' need no stinkin' badges!!" --Micky ("It's a
 Nice Place to Visit")


"It's all downhill from here!!" --Peter ("Captain Crocodile")


"Don't shoot until you see the white of their masks!!" 
--Mike ("Monkees in Texas")

"Y'know ... I dont blame him meself. Now, who wants 
an act with a fuzzy headed, mute harpist; an Italian 
with a weird looking felt hat; and another guy with a long
nose, a moustache and a smelly cigar? Y'know, its not commercial. 
I wouldn't buy the act, I wouldn't buy it.
--Davy ("The Monkees' Paw")

"My mommy told me not to play with toys that burn, bash, 
scratch, or go boom!" --Micky ("Monkee vs. Machine")


"We want to see 'Nesmith' up there in the sky 
with the sun dotting the 'i'!!!" --Peter (Monkee Mayor)


"I guess, ah ... guess I better go warn the cow!" 
--Mike ("Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth")


"You're a nailbiter, and your mother never ever loved you!!"
--Davy ("Monkee Chow Mein")


"It's two days 'till election, we can blow this town wide closed!!"
--Micky ("Monkee Mayor")


"Don't worry, if the whole world is destroyed, I'll take responsibilty!!"
--Peter ("Card-Carrying Red Shoes")


"He looks like a long-haired near-sighted monster 
with a guitar." --Mike ("I Was a Teenage Monster")


"No, it's just that sweets make me break out!!" 
--Gretel/Davy ("Fairy Tale")


"Sling me a sponge, bartender!!" --Micky ("Monkees in Texas")


"You're pretty tough with a fist in your hand!!" 
--Davy ("Monkees a la Carte")


"I don't think you're guilty!  I just don't see how 
you could possibly be innocent." --Peter ("The Picture Frame")


"These are the bones of the Elephant Man, and *these* are 
the bones of the Invisible Man, and *this* is the 
transmission from the Monkeemobile!! -- Micky ("Episode #781", 1997 special)

"Man, she got hung up; you didn't hang her up!"
--Mike ("Here Come The Monkees")


"Yeah, well, I'm all I have!" --Mike ("One Man Shy")


"What a time to be caught without a turtleneck!"
--Peter ("Monstrous Monkee Mash")


"All right, chaps!!  Let's have at it, up and over!"
--Davy ("Here Come The Monkees")


"Wait 'till you see a horse change into a werewolf!!"
--Micky ("Don't Look a Gift Horse in The Mouth")


"I'll call the caterer!" --Peter ("Hillbilly Honeymoon")


"Please!  No morals!!" --Micky ("Get Out More Dirt")


"Don't object so much, you'll live longer!" --Mike ("Dance, Monkee, Dance")


"Wait a minute ... one more thing. Who's got their hand on me bum?"
-- Davy, a guest Monkee appearance on "Sabrina, The Teenage Witch"


"Here I am....Mummyman!!!" --Mike ("Monkee Monster Mash")


"Why am I always the one to play dumb? 
 Why can't I play smart once in a while?" --Peter ("Case 
 of the Missing Monkee")


"Come my trusty cohorts, let us to the Monkeemobile..away!!" 
--Mike("Case of the Missing Monkee")


"I'm not the camp d'aide for nothing!!" --Peter ("Monkee Mayor")


"What violence?? He's just a typical psychopathic killer!!"
--Micky (Alias Micky Dolenz)


"If you think that was amazing, you should
see what happens after the commercial!"
--Mike ("Mijacogeo" aka "The Frodis Caper")



Back to Monkee Television. Or maybe to the main dialogues page?