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Monkees On The Wheel

The Monkees drive to Las Vegas for a gig.
There, Micky gets lucky at the slots and the roulette.
The mob rigged the roulette in hope of winning,
and steals back what was originally theirs.
The police gets involved and The Monkees play Catch-22.

MICKY:  "Ah, Zelda, I knew the first time I saw you it 
was love at first sight.  Tell me how much you love me!!"
ZELDA:  "Two oranges and a banana!!"
MICKY:  "Two oranges and a banana!!  Nothing will stand in the way of our love!!
It will go on onward and onward, through life hand-in-hand with--"
ZELDA:  "Two lemons and a crabapple!!"
MICKY:  "Two lemons and a crabapple!!  Zelda, I don't have any more money!!"
ZELDA:  "Buzz off, Charlie!!  Whoa!"

MICKY:  "All of a sudden, there was money all over the place!!  Honest, all I did
was lean on the machine and I pulled the handle down..."
DEALER:  "16-Red!"
MICKY:  "I don't  understand it all!"
DEALER:  "You win!!"
MICKY:  "And I won, I win, I won!!!  See Magic Fingers!!  I just touch and everything I win!!"

MIKE:  "We've got to invest this money, guys!"
PETER:  "Invest it?"
MIKE:  "Think of something worthwhile!"
ALL: Thinking
PETER(a la english accent):  "You must be joking!!"
DAVY:  "That's my line!!"
PETER(a la english accent):  "I'm sorry!!"
DAVY(to MIKE):  "You must be joking!!"

MIKE:  "Hey!!  We've been robbed!!!"
ALL:  "Police!!  Police!!"
MICKY:  "Police!  Help, our money's been robbed!!"
DAVY:  "Police, police."
Knocking from door
POLICEMAN:  "We're the police!"
MIKE:  "What took you so long?"

MICKY: "How do you make a capital M?"
MIKE: "Capital M, take one line 45 degree angle, 90 degree that line, 45 degree angle end line."
MICKY:  "Got it!!  Awww, pencil broke!!"

PETER:  "Hey, you guys got this all wrong!!"
DAVY:  "You're supposed to arrest the criminal, not the victim?"
MIKE:  "You know, the one who commits the crime?"
MICKY:  "Didn't you learn that in cop shop?  Oooh, police brutality!!"

POLICEMAN:  "Now, where's the money?!?"
MIKE:  "Some crooks stole it!"
POLICEMAN:  "The stolen money, you stole, was stolen?"
MIKE:  "Yeah!!"
POLICEMAN:  "Come on, you can think of a better story than that!!"
MIKE:  "Okay, dig!  There was this bean, you see, a cat got
for selling the cow the cat had for selling some beans!!"

POLICEMAN:  "What was his name?"
MIKE:  "Jack."
POLICEMAN:  "Jack!!"
PETER:  "And it grew up into this beanstalk!"
DEALER:  "Wait a second, wait a minute!!  I suppose you
didn't know about the roulette wheel being rigged, didn't ya?"

PETER:  "The reel was wigged?"
DAVY:  "The reel was wigged!!"
MIKE:  "Officer, arrest that man!!!"

MICKY:  "Twenty years?!?  We're going to prison for
twenty years and we don't even know who the crooks are!!"

MIKE:  "Well, if we can't find the crooks, maybe we can get the crooks to find us!!"
DAVY:  "How can we do that, Mike?"
PETER:  "Why don't we open a prison?"

STRANGLER:  "Hey, don't bother the Professor while he's thinking!!"
BIGGY:  "Who are you?!"
STRANGLER:  "I'm the Insidious Strangler, I'm the boss of this gang!!"
BIGGY:  "Well, my boss wants to know what your gang is doing in town!"
STRANGLER:  "Well, me boss says my gang is here for robbery, extortion, and murder!!"
KILLER NESMITH:  "Sort of your regular tourist activities!"

BIGGY:  "The boss says you can come in now!"
MICKY:  "The boss says you can come in now!"
PETER:  "Good let's come in!"
DAVY:  "We're comin' in!"
MIKE:  "Hi!!"

BIGGY:  "What do you do for this gang?"
PROFESSOR TORK:  "We're here to take over this town and win all the money!"
BIGGY:  "How?"
PROFESSOR:  "Well, I have this system, see it's *almost* perfected. 
You square the linear coefficent of the cubed root, raised to the power of x, 
and then we invert the logarithms like this, and now we add seven plus five, 
which equals eleven, and we extrapulate the third--"
BIGGY:  "Hold it!  Hold it!! Seven plus five equals twelve!!"
PROFESSOR:  "You're right!  You're right!  You're right!!! 
This perfects my system!  My system is perfect!!!"
MIKE(to camera):  "Isn't that dumb?!"

STRANGER(to MIKE):  "Take this, Wizard Glick!!"
MIKE: !!!! .... "Who?"
STRANGER:  "Wizard Glick!!"
MIKE:  "Man, I'm not Wizard Glick!!"
STRANGER:  "Oh, you're not?!  Oh, sorry!"

ZELDA:  "Hey, don't I know you?"
STRANGLER:  "No, I'm from Transylvania!"
DEALER:  "Transylvania?!  Could you die from that aggravation?"
ZELDA:  "Oh, you said you were from Scranton?"
STRANGLER:  "Right!  Scranton, Transylvania!!"
ZELDA:  "Oooh!  Ohooo!!"
STRANGLER:  "Ohoo!!  Sock it to ya!"

<= Micky's fingers recovered nicely, and was ready to be infected with poison ivy for the next episode!