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Success Story

He says he's coming over here!Davy's grandfather comes from
England for a visit.  Davy's happy
for the visit except for the fact,
he wrote his grandfather that
he became a wealthy star!
The Monkees have to convince Davy's grandfather that Davy is
very, very successful and that there is no need for Davy to return to England with his grandfather.

MESSENGER:  "All right, which one of these bums gets this telegram?"
MIKE:  "Ohoohoo, fellows, I would like you to meet the general."
MICKY:  "Stand at attention!!"
MESSENGER:  "I ain't no general!!"
MICKY:  "At ease!!"
MESSENGER:  "What's the matter, doesn't he say anything?"
MIKE:  "No, that's Mr. Schneider, he's our advisor."
MESSENGER:  "Which one of you guys is Davy Jones?"
ALL FOUR:  "I am!!"
MESSENGER:  "I've got a wire, collect!"
ALL FOUR (pointing to the other):  "He is!!!"
DAVY:  "I'll take it!!"
MESSENGER:  "Uh, uh!! A buck eighty!!"
MIKE:  "Well Mr. Schneider will pay for it because he's the only one, uh, working!!"
MESSENGER (to MR. SCHNEIDER):  "Well, what do you say?"

[DAVY just told the guys about the fib he told his grandfather.]
MIKE:  "You didn't tell him that!?"
DAVY:  "What are we going to do?"
MICKY:  "What do you mean 'what we're going to do'?  It's your problem!!"
DAVY:  "If he finds out that I'm not a success he's going 
to take me back to England!  I'll have to leave the group!"
MICKY:  "That's what I said, 'what are we going to do?'"

[MICKY is examining a Rolls Royce, obviously not his.]
ROLLS OWNER:  "Young man?!"
MICKY:  "Sir, I've been just examining your car!  Do you drive it often?"
ROLLS OWNER:  "Don't drive it, just polish it!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, sir, a Rolls is like a champion athlete!!  You've got to keep it shape!!"
ROLLS OWNER:  "My car is in perfect condition!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, really!?!

[MIKE is looking for a way to dress up as a chef for Davy.  He just inquired about the HELP WANTED sign at an Italian restuarant.]
RESTAURANT OWNER:  "You make a good-a spaghetti, eh?"
MIKE:  "Oh, man, you wouldn't believe the kind of spaghetti I could make!!"
RESTAURANT OWNER:  "Good, good!!  Come on, come on!!

[DAVY is quizzing the others on how to act in their respective roles.]
DAVY:  "Micky, as my chauffeur how would you help a lady into the back seat of a car?"
MICKY:  "As quick as I can!"
DAVY:  "Mike, as my personal chef what will be your three main dishes?"
MIKE:  "Well, ah we'll start off with, with a vichyssoise and we'll move 
unto a, a, a ChateauBrigand, and then we go into a chocolate mouse!"
DAVY:  "You can't cook those dishes!"
MIKE:  "Yeah, I know. I can't say 'em either."
DAVY:  "Peter, as my devoted houseboy what will be your main functions?"
PETER:  "I am born to serve my master, and live only to perform his bidding!"
DAVY:  "Right!!  Now get me my comb!!"
PETER:  "Get it yourself!!!"

[DAVY and his GRANDFATHER are waiting for Micky to bring the Rolls Royce around to the front of the airport.]
GRANDFATHER:  "Well, you look very well, I must say!! 
You seem to be thriving out here in the colonies!!"
DAVY:  "Yes, I have been rather fortunate!!"
TEXAN "TOURIST":  "Hey, are you Davy Jones?"
DAVY:  "Yes!!  (to GRANDFATHER) My public."
TEXAN:  "Can I have your autograph?"
DAVY:  "Yes, you can!"
TEXAN:  "Mr. Jones, I just want to tell you that my family 
sleeps a little better every night knowin' that you're 
out there singin'.  You're a great person!"
DAVY:  "Thank you!"
TEXAN:  "It's wonderful to have you--"
DAVY:  "Thank you!!"
TEXAN:  "Peter's next!
DAVY:  "Okay!"

OLD LADY:  "Excuse me, I'm one of your biggest fans!  Sign this, whoever you are!"
DAVY:  "You look great!!"
OLD LADY:  "You don't look so bad yourself!"
DAVY:  "Fantastic!!"
OLD LADY:  "Watch your hands, sonny!"
DAVY:  "What a performance!!"
OLD LADY:  "Look, I don't want a review, just an autograph!!"
DAVY:  "You're too much!!"
OLD LADY:  "Ooh!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "But Davy, she's not a young lady!!"
OLD LADY:  "You're no chicken yourself, Charlie!!"

[A charming dinner at the Jones' beach house...]
GRANDFATHER:  "Oh, that looks very good!!"
CHEF MIKE (serving "dinner"):  "Oh, merci, señor!!  (to DAVY) *Listen, we made--*"
DAVY:  "Just serve it, my good man!!  I'm starved!!"
CHEF MIKE:  "*But--*"
DAVY:  "That would be all!!  Thank you very much!"

[DAVY just found out his serving isn't traditional.]
PETER (whispering):  "We could only afford one serving!!  Yours is rubber!!"
DAVY (whispering):  "But I'm starved!!"
DAVY (whispering):  "Is the fruit rubber?!?"
PETER (whispering)<: "No!!!"
PETER (whispering):  "It's plastic!!"

[The dinner has been crashed by an irate, half-naked man.]
HALF NEKKID MESSENGER (to MICKY):  "Hey, goldilocks, give me back my suit!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "Who is this?!?"
DAVY:  "Oh, just some nut trying to start a nudist colony!!"
PETER:  "Someone knock, sir?"
DAVY (to PETER):  "Forget it!!"
PETER:  "Got to be polite!!"
ROLLS OWNER:  "I've come about my Rolls!!"
PETER:  "Uh, the bakery's next door!!"

[MESSENGER starts to get into DAVY's and his GRANDFATHER's face.]
HALF NEKKID MESSENGER:  "You going to sign for this wire?!? 
Somebody's got to sign for this wire!!!"
DAVY:  "Just a pushy electrician!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "I thought you said he was a nudist!?!"

[After all it was said and done, Davy has to go back to England.]
MIKE:  "You want to know something?  Davy did this whole thing for you!
I mean he wanted you to just be proud of him!!  He wanted you 
to think he was a success!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "Davy needs a family!!  He just can't go on frittering his life away!!"
MIKE:  "Oh, man, be honest!!  It's you!!  You're not thinking of Davy at all!
You want him back because you miss him ... you want him back because you need him!!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "No, that's not true!!  I've got a duty ... to guide him!!"
MIKE:  "Sure."

MICKY:  "Ah, he'll be okay."
MIKE:  "Sure he will."
PETER:  "He's better off without us!!"
MIKE(SOBBING):  "Oh, this is ridiculous!!  What time does the plane leave?"
MICKY(SOBBING):  "Less than an hour!!"
MIKE:  "Well, well ... he just may never make that plane!!!"

[GRANDFATHER arrived at the airport and is checking in the luggage.  Davy is heading towards the plane ahead of him.]
MICKY:  "Is this your luggage, sir?"
MICKY:  "Oh, you seem to be ten pounds underweight!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "Oh is underweight a problem?"
MICKY:  "Oh, my, yes, yes!!  Take a lot of starchy foods, potatoes, 
chocolate milk that sort of things."
GRANDFATHER:  "Well, you have forgotten this bag!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, you seem to be ten pounds overweight!!  Don't worry I'll fix that!!  
Yes, here we are!!  Take care of that right away for you!  Here you see!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "But I need all those things!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, dear me, of course how stupid of me!!  Take those garments here.
Take those on the plane, and don't let the stewardess see you, ha-ha!!"

DAVY:  "Where you've been?  I thought you'd miss the plane!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "You men, step over here, will you please!!  Oh, I won't miss the plane, 
but you will!!  Eh, you lads will set back the aircraft industry a generation!!"
MICKY:  "Our disguises didn't work, huh?"
GRANDFATHER:  "Davy, you've got three loyal friends here, 
I know I can leave you safely in their hands!"
DAVY:  "You're going to have a long and lonely trip back."
GRANDFATHER:  "Oh, not necessarily!! (to OLD WOMAN) That's my grandson and 
that's his staff.  He's quite a star, you know!!  Oh, he's doing very well, yes, he drives a Rolls!!"


No chocolate mice were hurt during making of this film.  On a side note:
Vichyssoise = a rich French soup, ChateauBrigand = a place in France. 
We all can figure out the chocolate mouse thing, right?