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Hitting the High Seas

Eye, Eye, Captain-O!The Monkees are in desperate need of getting a job,
they accept one which has them working on a ship.
However, Mike gets seasick, and has to go below,
while the other three tough the work conditions out.
Davy becomes the captain's cabin boy, and he
overhears the captain work over a piracy plot.
It's up to the three Monkees to save the Queen
Anne, and the only way to do that is to start a mutiny!!

PETER:  "I still don't think he was fair to fire us!"
DAVY:  "Well, Peter, we weren't exactly a smash!"
PETER:  "Yes, we were!  Only one person left before we were done!"
MICKY:  "That was half the audience!"
PETER:  "I still think he should have given us some notice!"
MICKY:  "He did, he said 'Get out in ten minutes, or I'll beat you up!'"

FRANK:  "Hey, I guess I was wrong, what's your price?"
MICKY:  "Well, experienced sailors like us we 
never worked for less than a hundred dollars a day!"
FRANK:  "Fifteen!!"
MICKY:  "Sold!"
FRANK:  "Okay, six in the morning, pier three!"
DAVY:  "Three o'clock, pier six!"

MICKY:  "Oh, request permission to go aboard, sir!
We know what we're doing!!"
DAVY:  "Check the handbook!"
FRANK:  "You're already on board!"
MICKY:  "Well, request permission to stay on board, sir!"
FRANK:  "Of course, you can stay on board; you got no choice!
Are you sure you guys were ever in the navy?"
MIKE:  "Peter, right here, sunk seven Japanese destroyers in one year!"
FRANK:  "When was that?"
PETER:  "Last year!!"

HARRY:  "Aye, aye, sir!  Reynolds!!"
FRANK:  "Here!!!!"
HARRY:  "Dolenz!!"
MICKY:  "Here, sir!"
HARRY:  "Tork!!"
DAVY(to MICKY):  "Well, hello!!"
MICKY(to DAVY):  "Nice to meet you!!"
HARRY:  "Shut up!!!!"
DAVY:  "But you said we could talk!!"

CAPTAIN:  "Who are these fools?"
MICKY:  "The new shipmates, sir!!"
CAPTAIN:  "Where did you get that long hair?"
MICKY:  "Well, there's this little store on Sunset Strip!"
CAPTAIN:  "Cut it off!!!"
MICKY:  "Oh no, we can't cut it off; we'll lose our strength!!"

HARRY:  "You're going to be keel-hauled and 
lashed for an inch of your life!!"
DAVY:  "You can't do that!!  It's against naval law!!!"
CAPTAIN:  "And who are you to tell me about naval law?!?"
HARRY:  "Jones, sir!!  Davy Jones!!"
CAPTAIN:  "Davy Jones!?!  As in Davy Jones' locker?!?"
MICKY:  "Yeah, right, his great great grandfather,
and when he turns twenty-five he inherits the locker!"

DAVY:  "Captain!!"
CAPTAIN MICKY:  "I'm Captain Ahab and I sailed the seven seas all
my life looking for the great white whale, Moby Dick.  Have you seen him?"
DAVY:  "No!"
CAPTAIN MICKY:  "Well, if you do, tell him I'm in my cabin!"
DAVY:  "Captain?!"
CAPTAIN MICKY(again):  "I'm Captain Ahab and 
I sailed the seven seas all--oh, it's just you!"

DAVY:  "Hey, they're both crackers!!"
PETER: "What do you mean?"
DAVY:  "Crazy!! They're crazy!!!"
PETER:  "Who's crazy?"
DAVY:  "The captain!!"
PETER:  "Oh come on!!"
DAVY:  "Honestly, he was asking advice from his parrot!"
MICKY:  "Was the parrot charging him?"
DAVY:  "No, no!!"
MICKY:  "Well, the parrot's crackers--crazy!!"

MICKY:  "You see this is a fantasy!"
PETER:  "A fantasy?"
MICKY:  "He's not really going to rob the Queen Anne!!"
PETER:  "He's not?"
MICKY:  "It's a fantasy, developed in his subconscious mind to compensate 
for the frustrations that he endured as a child, over the hostility!"

CAPTAIN:  "There's your swords and your pistols, oh,
and the lyrics of some of the better known pirate songs!
I just hope you men are tough enough for this job!"
MICKY:  "Tough?!?!  Ha-ha!!  Peter's so tough his nails get rusty!!"
DAVY:  "He's so tough he loves the sight of blood, he pours
ketchup on everything he eats, even corn flakes!!"

MICKY:  "Mutiny!!!!"
DAVY:  "We can't do that!!"
MICKY:  "Why?!"
DAVY:  "I don't know why!!"
MICKY:  "How about if Clark Gable and Marlon Brando can do it, we can do it!!!"
DAVY:  "Okay!!"
MICKY:  "Great!!"
DAVY:  "They do it all the time!!"

CAPTAIN:  "Is he the only one responsible for this mutiny?!?"
PETER:  "Mutiny?"
DAVY:  "Mutiny?  What mutiny?"
PETER:  "Did you hear mutiny?"
DAVY:  "Didn't hear anything about a mutiny!!"
CAPTAIN:  "This man is planning a mutiny aboard my boat,
and I want to know who is helping him!!"
DAVY:  "Will it be easier on him, if you find the others?"
CAPTAIN:  "No, he dies just the same!!"
DAVY(to MICKY):  "We told you not to try it!!!"
PETER:  "We said single-handed mutinies never work, stranger!!"
CAPTAIN:  "Stranger?!?  I thought you came aboard with him?!"
DAVY:  "Him?!?!  Nah, we never seen him before!!
We wouldn't hang around with long-haired weirdoes like that, would we?"
PETER:  "Dirty commie!!!"

CAPTAIN:  "Men,you've been found guilty of insubordination to a commanding officer,
conspiring to mutiny, and, what is even worse, impersonating a parrot!!  Now do you
have anything to say before we execute sentence on you?"
PETER:  "Yes, I do, I'm innocent!  I can't even do a good cow--moo!"

MICKY:  "Okay, we'll go to our watery grave, but then you'll never find out the secret!!"
CAPTAIN:  "What secret?!"
MICKY:  "Oh, no never mind that's okay, we'll go to our..."
CAPTAIN:  "But the secret, what's the secret?!?"
MICKY: "...but you'll never learn the secret!!"
CAPTAIN:  "Come back here, come back here!!!  What's the secret?!?!"
PETER:  "Hey, guys?  Hey, fellas?"
DAVY:  "What?"
PETER:  "What is the secret?"

MAYBERRY:  "And for these acts of bravery, by virtue of the power vested
in me, I declare all of you, first mates of this ship!!"
MICKY:  "Aye, aye, thank you, Captain!!"
DAVY:  "Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!!! ... There's that bell again!"
MICKY:  "Ship ahoy!"
DAVY:  "Tell me, if we're the first mates, who's going to be the captain?"
MAYBERRY:  "Your captain will be the most able seaman it was ever my pleasure to sail with!!"


<=No parrots were hurt during the making of this film.