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The Devil and Peter Tork


[Under the Influence] Peter browses around in what seems to be
a pawn shop of instruments. He falls in love
with a harp, but is crestfallen when he knows
that he can't afford it.  The proprietor
of the pawn shop offers a "play now, pay later"
contract to Peter.  Seeing nothing
harmful with a deal like that, Peter signs
and takes the harp home.  The other Monkees
find no use for the harp, since Peter can't play it,
until after Mr. Zero tells Peter he can play.
The Monkees become a success with the harp
in their act, and the audience is pleased with
the new sound.  Mr. Zero comes to collect after The Monkees become successful,
and it's soon revealed that the payment is Peter's soul to Mr. Zero, the Devil.
Mike seeing a contract is still a legal matter, he requests to be heard in court
to contest that the contract is actually null and void.  The Monkees try to do battle
with witnesses such as Attila the Hun, Billy the Kid, Blackbeard, and finally Mr. Zero, himself in a bias court.

MR. ZERO:  "Buying or selling?"
PETER:  "Well, neither, just browsing."
MR. ZERO:  "Before the day is out, you may be doing a little of both!"
PETER:  "You have a lot of groovy instruments here!"
MR. ZERO:  "They represent the lives of musicians who have, shall we say, fallen on bad times."
PETER:  "Don't they ever come back to claim these?"
MR. ZERO:  "You know how musicians are, here today, gone tomorrow!"
PETER:  "That's very true!  I'm a musician and I'm here today myself!"
MR. ZERO:  "Well then, look around!!"

MR. ZERO:  "I'm sure that, when you say 'love', you mean 'need' or 'desire'.
No one loves things anymore!"
PETER:  "I do!!  I love this harp, but I don't have any money."
MR. ZERO:  "What a pity!"
PETER:  "I'd give anything for this harp!"
MR. ZERO:  "Well, in that case ...  just sign this simple contract,
and the harp is yours!  Play now, pay later!!"
PETER:  "Sort of like consignment!!"
MR. ZERO:  "Exactly!!!"


NARRATOR:  "Soul:  some say it's a man's heart or spirit.  Certainly, without it, 
we can not survive.  For no man can live without love!"


PETER:  "It's a beautiful harp, isn't it?"
MIKE:  "Yeah, it's a beautiful harp, and beautiful music comes from beautiful harps!
Everybody I know loves a harp!  There's only one thing."
PETER: "Huh?"
MIKE:  "You can't play the harp!"
MICKY:  "That's right, babe, you better bring it back!"


MR. ZERO:  "You won't need people like him any more, Peter!  I can make you famous!"
MIKE:  "I'll see you guys later."
MR. ZERO:  "Now, Peter, you can play!  Play, Peter.
PETER:  "I know this isn't a joke because you wouldn't joke about a thing like this
knowing how I feel about the harp 'cause it'll be a very cruel joke!"
MR. ZERO:  "I'm not joking.  Play, Peter!"



MICKY:  "Keep playing, Peter!  Can't believe all the mail that's 
coming in, man, another 500 letters!!"
DAVY:  "Oh boy, man, we got so many offers!!  
We got one here from London, Chicago, New York ..."
!***!
MR. ZERO:  "Peter!!"
MICKY:  "Who's that?  It's that, that Zero?"
MIKE:  "Yes, Smokey the Bear!"
MR. ZERO:  "Well, Peter, are you pleased?"
PETER:  "I like the music, Mr. Zero!  When I play the harp it makes people happy!"
MR. ZERO:  "Of course, the money's not important, eh?  
Now there's one piece of unfinished business, yet to discuss!"
DAVY:  "Oo!!"
MR. ZERO:  "The contract!"
MIKE:  "The hitch, right?  There had to be a hitch!  Excuse me!  What is this?
It says ...  Peter, Peter, this is the contract with the Devil!!"
MR. ZERO:  "I'm so glad that I don't have to introduce myself!"
MIKE:  "It says you sold your soul!"
PETER:  "I don't believe in devils!"
MIKE:  "Precisely why your soul is so interesting!  Innocence is at its premium!"

MR. ZERO:  "Well, Peter, I think we better go!  You know, according to the terms
of the contract, your soul must be turned over by midnight!"
DAVY:  "Oo!"
MIKE:  "Well, well, wait a minute!!  It's only eight o'clock!!"
MR. ZERO:  "Just trying to beat the crosstown traffic!!"
MIKE:  "Yeah, all right, but Peter wants his other four hours, please, thank you!!"
MR. ZERO:  "But, of course!  Use all your time!  But remember, midnight."

MIKE:  "So that's, so that's what (censored) is all about!"
DAVY:  "Yeah, (censored)!  It's pretty scary!"
MICKY:  "You know what's even more scary!"
PETER:  "What?"
MICKY:  "You can't say (censored) on television!"

MR. ZERO:  "Are you ready, Peter?"
MICKY:  "Uh, no, no, he's not ready!  You see, he uh, well,
he left his suit at the cleaners!  He's not ready to go!"
DAVY:  "And not only that, he's got to write a letter to his mother, haven't you?"
PETER:  "I have a million things to do, couldn't it be tomorrow?"
MIKE:  "D'oh, I remember reading it in the paper, due to a lack of interest,
tomorrow was cancelled!!  So, we'll have to make it the day after tomorrow!"

MIKE:  "Wait a minute!   We really can't stop him, if he has a contract!"
MR. ZERO:  "Exactly!"
MIKE:  "That's if your contract is good!"
MR. ZERO:  "It's legal and valid!!"
MIKE:  "Well, I don't think so, and I'm willing to go to court to contest it!"

MICKY:  "Who'd take the first defense?"
MIKE:  "Oh, I don't know, why don't you take it?"
MICKY:  "Oh, I don't--"
DAVY:  "Let's choose for it!"
MICKY:  "Yeah, let's choose fingers for it!  The odd finger is it!  Ready!"
ALL THREE:  "One, two, three!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, you have the odd finger, Mike!"
MIKE:  "Well, I don't see what's so odd about my fingers!  There just as normal as anyone else's!!"
MICKY:  "You have the odd finger, Mike!"
MIKE:  "Well, I've seen my fingers around a lot!!"
MICKY:  "You have the odd finger, Mike!"
MIKE:  "I've got the odd finger!"

MIKE:  "Now, then, in 1882, Mr. Zero promised to
make you the most famous gunfighter in the West, did he not?"
BILLY THE KID:  "That's right!"
MIKE:  "Well, he did and you are and I think there's [not] really anything to talk about!
You go right on out there, and shoot people and be famous--"
MICKY:  "What's, aren't you--"
MIKE:  "Well, there's no sense in antagonizing the jury!!"
MICKY:  "They look antagonized enough as it is!"
JURY:  "You'll soon be one of us!!"
MR. ZERO:  "Shall we close the case?"
MICKY:  "Your Honor, I insist that the prosecution call another witness!!"
JUDGE:  "On what grounds?!"
MICKY:  "On the grounds ... that the television show is not over!!  Must have a little more!!"

MR. ZERO:  "The prosecution rests."
MICKY:  "Then the defense will rest, also!"
JUDGE:  "Until what time would you like to rest?"
MICKY:  "Until we think of something better!!"
JUDGE:  "I think we've heard enough. We can pass sentence!"
MIKE:  "Wait a minute!!  The defense would like to call their first witness!"
JUDGE:  "And who is that?"
MIKE:  "Mr. Zero."
MR. ZERO:  "Why, I'd be only too happy to take the stand."
DAVY:  "Would you please raise your right hand and put your left hand on the bible?"
MR. ZERO:  "You must be joking."
DAVY:  "Can I interest anybody in taking a quick peek at this book here?
It's been on the best seller list for many years!"

MIKE:  "Now, Mr. Zero, aside from these witnesses, what else do you present as evidence?"
MR. ZERO:  "This contract.  In exchange for fame, fortune, and the ability to play the harp,
I purchased Peter Tork's soul ... Is this your signature, Mister Tork?"
PETER:  "Don't call me mister.  I'm just a kid!!"
JUDGE:  "Guilty!!!"
MIKE:  "Well, I say that the contract is null and void because of the fact, Mr. Zero,
that you didn't give Peter anything in return of his soul."
MR. ZERO:  "I gave him fame and fortune."
MIKE:  "Well, you gave him fame and fortune perhaps, but Peter didn't want
fame and fortune, you see.  All Peter wanted was just his music.
He just wanted to play the harp, that's all!"
MR. ZERO:  I gave him the ability to play the harp, in return for his soul!!"
PETER:  "You know, it was almost worth it."
MIKE:  "No, you didn't give him the ability to play the harp.
You see, Peter loved the harp, and he loved the music
that came from the harp, and that was inside from him.
And it came, um, it was the power of that love that
was inside of Peter.  It was inside of him from the first.
And it was that kind of power that made him able to play the harp.
And you had nothing to do with it at all!!"

MR. ZERO:  "There!  I've taken the power away.  He is as I found him.
See what you can do with him now!!"
MIKE:  "Okay, Peter, go play the harp!!"
PETER:  "Michael, I can't!"
MIKE:  "Did you hear what I said to Zero, man?  Look, the power is inside you!!
Nobody can give it to you, and nobody can take it away!  Now, go play the harp!"

<= No brooms were harmed during the making of this film.