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Page 4
Hey, Hey, It's The Monkees (1997)






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24    INT. WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM

The Monkees are talking to the MANAGER of the country club, who looks to be about in his mid-40s, and PRINCESS, the manager's young adult daugther.  Davy just asked if Princess is a real princess.

                            PRINCESS
           I'm not a real princess.  That's just
           what Daddy calls me to be nice because
           he seems to think I've lost a few tiles
           in re-entry.

A beat from Davy.

                            DAVY
                       (thought his hearing's gone)
           Excuse me??

                            PRINCESS
           He says I didn't come quite through the
           rocket ride, and I'm a little bats.

This is a bit shocking for Davy.

                            PRINCESS
           I don't know.  He may be right or he may
           be disturbed!
                       (snort laughing)

                            PETER
                       (aside to MIKE)
           There's a lot of funny euphenisms for
           dumb.  A few cards short of a deck ...

                            MANAGER
                       (medium CU)
           Well, I hope you fellows play a lot of
           your old hits because if this party
           isn't successful, I may
                        (flash of lightning,
                        thunder snaps)
           lose the club!

                            MICKY
           Lose the club, that's a good one!

                            PETER
                       (disagreeing)
           No!

                            MIKE
           Lame-O!

                            DAVY
           Hey, about if the Princess and I are
           stranded on a desert island?  We have
           one more last rent payment to pay, and
           there's some buried treasure on the
           other side of the island!

                            PETER
                       (aside to MIKE)
           One oar out of the water!
                       (snickering)

                            MIKE
                       (to MANAGER)
           You know, we got a new record out, and
           we need--

                            PRINCESS
                       (interrupting)
           Oh, you are going to play some of the
           old hits? 'Boil That Cabbage Down',
           boys!

                            MICKY
           We were going to mostly play the new CD.
           We really need the publicity.
                       (beat)
           'Boil That Cabbage Down'??

                            MANAGER
           One of my favorites!  I loved it!
                       (reciting)
           'I thought love was only true in fairy
           tales.  Meant for someone else but not
           for me!'

                            DAVY
           That's 'I'm a Believer'!

                            MANAGER
                       (continue reciting)
           'Ah, love was out to get me ...'

                            PRINCESS
                       (accompanying)
           Da doo da dee!

                            MANAGER
           '... somewhere else it seemed ...'

                            PRINCESS
           Da doo da dee!

                            PETER
                       (aside to MIKE)
           Up the river without a clue!

                            MICKY
           We really need to promote this new CD!

CUT TO:

25    INT.MONKEES SHOPPING LAND, STUDIO

The SCREEN is set up to look like a mock of QVC, where there's an INSET of the people and products which is surrounded by information.  TIME REMAINING and UNITS REMAINING is set on INFINTE, while the UNITS SOLD switches in between 1 to 2.  Peter is the HOST, Davy as himself, and Micky as MARTHA STEWART with dark hair.

                           PETER
           Thanks for joining me.  You know, ever
           since I invented my new non-stick
           cookware and psychic make-up, I've been
           getting more endorsements than I can
           count.  Today, my guests are Davy Jones
           of the Monkees, and Martha Stewart.
                       (Reading off cue card)
           Davy, how long have you been using my
           new psychic make-up and con-stick
           nookvare?

                            DAVY
           We have a new record out!

Davy pulls out a JUSTUS CD and POSTER.  The camera gets him  holding both.

                            PETER
                       (turning to DAVY)
           I beg your pardon?

                            DAVY
                       (flashing smile)
           Me and the guys.  We have a new CD!

Peter turns to MARTHA STEWART to change the subject.

                            PETER
                       (reading off of cue card)
           And Martha, when did you first find out
           cheese wouldn't stick to your eyebrows
           when ...
                       (actually looking at MARTHA)
           Are you really Martha Stewart?

                            MICKY
                       (as MARTHA STEWART)
           Yeah.

                            PETER
           Well, how do you make a wedding gown
           out of whipped cream frosting??

                            MICKY
                       (a bit unsure)
           Well, uh, it depends on the flavour!

                            DAVY
                       (plugging again)
           We have a new record out!

Peter can't believe the show is being ruined.

CUT TO:

26    INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM

We see Davy and the Princess sitting at a table alone.  Waiters and guests around them are preparing for the evening.

                            PRINCESS
                       (about the album)
           Does it have 'Boil that...'

                            DAVY
           No, no, no, see really, that's 'I'm a
           Believer'.  The new record is, well,
           it's new!

ANGLE - CU Princess with STARS IN HER EYES

                            DAVY
           Uh, how old are you?

                            PRINCESS
                       (dunced)
           I don't know.
                       (recovering)
           Oh, but tonight you're going to play
           the hits, aren't you?

ANGLE - CU Princess.  The stars evolve into ORANGES and
then into CHERRIES LIKE A SLOT MACHINE.

ANGLE - CU Davy.  Davy now has a HOT DOG in his eye.  It
flies out and HOVERS next to his head.

                            VENDOR
                       (O.S.)
           Hot dogs, get your hot dogs!  Peanuts,
           popcorn, hot dogs, game's starting, get
           your hot dogs!

Davy SHOOS hot dog away.

ANGLE - CU Princess.  Now she has SWIRLS IN BOTH EYES,
and then 7 in one eye and a LEMON in another eye.

                            DAVY
                       (about the songs)
           Well, I suppose we could do a couple
           of them, yes!

                            PRINCESS
                       (hopeful)
           Will Mike wear the hat?

                            DAVY
                       (very unsure)
           The hat?  Um, well, maybe ...

27    EXT. LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK

The lizard is back, interrupting the conversation between DAVY
and the PRINCESS.

28    INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM

The room SHAKES a bit like an earthquake hit it.  This scares PRINCESS because she hasn't seen anything like it before.

                            PRINCESS
                       (scared)
           Oh dear!

                            DAVY
           Don't worry, that's just some old lively
           film footage.  You see money is a little
           tight ...

ANGLE - CU PRINCESS now has an ORANGE in one eye and
a LEMON in the other.  This EVOLVES TO a 7 in one eye
and a CHERRY in the other.  Her eyes again evolve to a
GOLD BAR in each of her eye, and they eventually fall off.

DAVY thinks it's getting a little too weird for a conversation.

                            DAVY
           ... and the show is about to start, so
           I better go.

DAVY leaves PRINCESS at the table and heads towards the BANDSTAND.

CUT TO:

29    INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND

MICKY, PETER, and MIKE are standing around discussing what
can be further down on television besides Magic Monkee Dust
or lizards sunning themselves.

                            MICKY
           I just think there's so much more we
           can do, I mean, think about it.
           Television.  The possibilities are
           endless!!

                            MIKE
           What, do the news in interpretative
           dance?

                            MICKY
           Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea!

PETER and MIKE start to do INTERPRETATIVE DANCING of the news while Micky MAKES COMMENTARY on the news.

                            MICKY
                       (to CAMERA)
           Dateline: Cairo!  Holiday ...

Davy comes up to the guys from the RIGHT SIDE OF SCREEN.

                            DAVY
           Mike, Mike.  Are you going to wear the
           hat tonight?

                            MIKE
                       (still interpreting the news)
           The hat?  The wool hat?

DAVY nods his head.  MIKE stops interpreting.

                            MIKE
           Davy, I haven't seen that hat in 25
           years!

                            DAVY
           Have you got any other kind of hat?

                            MIKE
           Well, yeah, I got a baseball hat ...

Davy shakes his head no.

                            MIKE
                       (cont'd)
           ... but if I wear that with this outfit
           I'll scare everybody!  I'll look like a
           cross between a serial killer and Steven
           Spielburg!

                            PETER
           Or Forrest Gump!

                            MICKY
           Eww, even scarier!

                            MIKE
                       (a la Forrest Gump)
           Life is like a box of chocolates!

Mikes moves away from camera so Micky is still in the shot
while listening to his bass drum with a STETHOSCOPE.

                            DAVY
                       (Desperate)
           Please!  Please!  Just for tonight!

Mike throws his hands up to show sign of not being able to do it.

                            DAVY
           Look!  I told the Princess that you
           would, and that we'll play some of our
           old hits!  Otherwise, her father may
                       (lightning flashes
                       and thunder snaps)
           lose the club!

MICKY stops listening to his stethoscope for a moment.

                            MICKY
           David, that's just a gimmick!  A trick
           to get us to do a storyline!

MICKY continues to listen to his bass drum.

                            DAVY
           Really?  But she had stars in her eyes.

                            MICKY
           Yeah, and raisins and grapfruit, and
           the international symbol for 'Slippery
           When Wet'!

While MICKY is talking, previously seen YOUNG BOY comes up to the WINDOW of the country club, which happens to be behind MICKY.  He quits listening to his bass drum for a moment and incidentally turns around.  MICKY spots YOUNG BOY.

                            MICKY
                       (to others)
           Oh, hey look!
                       (to YOUNG BOY)
           Hey, how you doin'?

YOUNG BOY is trying to tell him to throw up.

                            MICKY
                       (a bit uncertain)
           What?  Huh?

YOUNG BOY points to his own mouth.

                            MICKY
                       (using stethoscope)
           What?
                       (laughs at himself)

YOUNG BOY points to his own mouth again, but this time with more insistence.

                            MICKY
                       (humble)
           No, I can't.  No.

YOUNG BOY really wants MICKY to "throw up".

                            MICKY
                       (giving in)
           Oh, all right, okay, okay.  Here we go!
           Ready?

MICKY sticks his finger in his mouth and SPEWS OUT
CONFETTI.  YOUNG BOY and his friends are extremely
delighted.

30   EXT. LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK

The STOCK SHOT interrupts another scene.

31   INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND

MONKEES react to the interruption in the film.  MIKE starts to
put two and two together.

                             MIKE
                       (to MICKY)
           Do that again.

                            MICKY
           What?

                            MIKE
                       (pointing to own mouth)
           You know.

                            MICKY
                       (points to own mouth)
           You mean this?

                            MIKE
           Yeah.

MICKY sticks his finger in his own mouth, and SPEWS
CONFETTI AGAIN.

32   EXT.LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK

STOCK SHOT again interrupts the normal film.

33   INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND

                            MIKE
           That confetti's special effects, isn't
           it?

                            MICKY
           Na-huh.

                            MIKE
           Not throw up.

                            MICKY
           Nope.

                            MIKE
           That's why we keep running out of
           production money, and having to cut to
           a lizard sunning itself on a rock.

                            MICKY
                       (disappointed)
           I keep having this trouble!  Everytime
           I come up with a neat idea, I keep
           getting this weird side effect.  I don't
           know ...
                       (spotting MANAGER to MIKE)
           There he is!

MONKEES take their places with their instruments.  MANAGER walks up to BANDSTAND and takes the mic.

                           MANAGER
           Ladies and gentlemen ...

CROWD starts to get up from their seats and walks to the
BANDSTAND.  SPOTLIGHT kicks on.

                           MANAGER
                      (continuing)
           Could I have your attention, please?

                           PRINCESS
                      (waving to her father)
           And me, me too!

                            MANAGER
                       (to PRINCESS)
           Of course, you too, Princess.
                       (to CROWD)
           If I say the name, The Monkees, what
           do you think of?

CROWD DRAWS BLANK STARES and the only sound is CRICKETS CHIRPING.

                            MANAGER
                       (disappointed)
           Yeah, so do I.  Okay, we won't go
           there tonight.
                       (sobering up)
           How many of you remember going to school
           with your Monkees' lunchbox and get
           beatin' up?

EVERYBODY in the audience raises their hand.  CAMERA
on MANAGER is PULLED BACK and we see PETER has
his hand raised.

                            MANAGER
                       (surprised)
           All of you?  It was quite a weapon
           though, wasn't it?

AUDIENCE agrees.

                            MANAGER
           I personally thought the finger puppet
           was a little bit on the strange side.
           Well, you know, forgive and forget,
           water under the bridge.
                      (sobering up)
           But tonight, singing from their brand
           new record, some songs that you probably
           won't recognize, along some of their
           greatest hits that you've come to know
           and love, Harlo and Charlie, Humphrey
           and Bing ... also known as Davy, Mike,
           Micky, and Peter, it's the Monkees!!

AUDIENCE applauds.  MONKEES start into SONG: "Last Train to  Clarksville".

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