24 INT. WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM
The Monkees are talking to the MANAGER of the country club, who looks to be about in his mid-40s, and PRINCESS, the manager's young adult daugther. Davy just asked if Princess is a real princess.
I'm not a real princess. That's just
what Daddy calls me to be nice because
he seems to think I've lost a few tiles
A beat from Davy.
(thought his hearing's gone)
He says I didn't come quite through the
rocket ride, and I'm a little bats.
This is a bit shocking for Davy.
I don't know. He may be right or he may
(aside to MIKE)
There's a lot of funny euphenisms for
dumb. A few cards short of a deck ...
Well, I hope you fellows play a lot of
your old hits because if this party
isn't successful, I may
(flash of lightning,
lose the club!
Lose the club, that's a good one!
Hey, about if the Princess and I are
stranded on a desert island? We have
one more last rent payment to pay, and
there's some buried treasure on the
other side of the island!
(aside to MIKE)
One oar out of the water!
You know, we got a new record out, and
Oh, you are going to play some of the
old hits? 'Boil That Cabbage Down',
We were going to mostly play the new CD.
We really need the publicity.
'Boil That Cabbage Down'??
One of my favorites! I loved it!
'I thought love was only true in fairy
tales. Meant for someone else but not
That's 'I'm a Believer'!
'Ah, love was out to get me ...'
Da doo da dee!
'... somewhere else it seemed ...'
Da doo da dee!
(aside to MIKE)
Up the river without a clue!
We really need to promote this new CD!
25 INT.MONKEES SHOPPING LAND, STUDIO
The SCREEN is set up to look like a mock of QVC, where there's an INSET of the people and products which is surrounded by information. TIME REMAINING and UNITS REMAINING is set on INFINTE, while the UNITS SOLD switches in between 1 to 2. Peter is the HOST, Davy as himself, and Micky as MARTHA STEWART with dark hair.
Thanks for joining me. You know, ever
since I invented my new non-stick
cookware and psychic make-up, I've been
getting more endorsements than I can
count. Today, my guests are Davy Jones
of the Monkees, and Martha Stewart.
(Reading off cue card)
Davy, how long have you been using my
new psychic make-up and con-stick
We have a new record out!
Davy pulls out a JUSTUS CD and POSTER. The camera gets him holding both.
(turning to DAVY)
I beg your pardon?
Me and the guys. We have a new CD!
Peter turns to MARTHA STEWART to change the subject.
(reading off of cue card)
And Martha, when did you first find out
cheese wouldn't stick to your eyebrows
(actually looking at MARTHA)
Are you really Martha Stewart?
(as MARTHA STEWART)
Well, how do you make a wedding gown
out of whipped cream frosting??
(a bit unsure)
Well, uh, it depends on the flavour!
We have a new record out!
Peter can't believe the show is being ruined.
26 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM
We see Davy and the Princess sitting at a table alone. Waiters and guests around them are preparing for the evening.
(about the album)
Does it have 'Boil that...'
No, no, no, see really, that's 'I'm a
Believer'. The new record is, well,
ANGLE - CU Princess with STARS IN HER EYES
Uh, how old are you?
I don't know.
Oh, but tonight you're going to play
the hits, aren't you?
ANGLE - CU Princess. The stars evolve into ORANGES and
then into CHERRIES LIKE A SLOT MACHINE.
ANGLE - CU Davy. Davy now has a HOT DOG in his eye.
flies out and HOVERS next to his head.
Hot dogs, get your hot dogs! Peanuts,
popcorn, hot dogs, game's starting, get
your hot dogs!
Davy SHOOS hot dog away.
ANGLE - CU Princess. Now she has SWIRLS IN BOTH EYES,
and then 7 in one eye and a LEMON in another eye.
(about the songs)
Well, I suppose we could do a couple
of them, yes!
Will Mike wear the hat?
The hat? Um, well, maybe ...
27 EXT. LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK
The lizard is back, interrupting the conversation between DAVY
and the PRINCESS.
28 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM
The room SHAKES a bit like an earthquake hit it. This scares PRINCESS because she hasn't seen anything like it before.
Don't worry, that's just some old lively
film footage. You see money is a little
ANGLE - CU PRINCESS now has an ORANGE in one eye and
a LEMON in the other. This EVOLVES TO a 7 in one eye
and a CHERRY in the other. Her eyes again evolve to a
GOLD BAR in each of her eye, and they eventually fall off.
DAVY thinks it's getting a little too weird for a conversation.
... and the show is about to start, so
I better go.
DAVY leaves PRINCESS at the table and heads towards the BANDSTAND.
29 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND
MICKY, PETER, and MIKE are standing around discussing what
can be further down on television besides Magic Monkee Dust
or lizards sunning themselves.
I just think there's so much more we
can do, I mean, think about it.
Television. The possibilities are
What, do the news in interpretative
Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea!
PETER and MIKE start to do INTERPRETATIVE DANCING of the news while Micky MAKES COMMENTARY on the news.
Dateline: Cairo! Holiday ...
Davy comes up to the guys from the RIGHT SIDE OF SCREEN.
Mike, Mike. Are you going to wear the
(still interpreting the news)
The hat? The wool hat?
DAVY nods his head. MIKE stops interpreting.
Davy, I haven't seen that hat in 25
Have you got any other kind of hat?
Well, yeah, I got a baseball hat ...
Davy shakes his head no.
... but if I wear that with this outfit
I'll scare everybody! I'll look like a
cross between a serial killer and Steven
Or Forrest Gump!
Eww, even scarier!
(a la Forrest Gump)
Life is like a box of chocolates!
Mikes moves away from camera so Micky is still in the shot
while listening to his bass drum with a STETHOSCOPE.
Please! Please! Just for tonight!
Mike throws his hands up to show sign of not being able to do it.
Look! I told the Princess that you
would, and that we'll play some of our
old hits! Otherwise, her father may
and thunder snaps)
lose the club!
MICKY stops listening to his stethoscope for a moment.
David, that's just a gimmick! A trick
to get us to do a storyline!
MICKY continues to listen to his bass drum.
Really? But she had stars in her eyes.
Yeah, and raisins and grapfruit, and
the international symbol for 'Slippery
While MICKY is talking, previously seen YOUNG BOY comes up to the WINDOW of the country club, which happens to be behind MICKY. He quits listening to his bass drum for a moment and incidentally turns around. MICKY spots YOUNG BOY.
Oh, hey look!
(to YOUNG BOY)
Hey, how you doin'?
YOUNG BOY is trying to tell him to throw up.
(a bit uncertain)
YOUNG BOY points to his own mouth.
(laughs at himself)
YOUNG BOY points to his own mouth again, but this time with more insistence.
No, I can't. No.
YOUNG BOY really wants MICKY to "throw up".
Oh, all right, okay, okay. Here we go!
MICKY sticks his finger in his mouth and SPEWS OUT
CONFETTI. YOUNG BOY and his friends are extremely
30 EXT. LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK
The STOCK SHOT interrupts another scene.
31 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND
MONKEES react to the interruption in the film. MIKE starts
put two and two together.
Do that again.
(pointing to own mouth)
(points to own mouth)
You mean this?
MICKY sticks his finger in his own mouth, and SPEWS
32 EXT.LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK
STOCK SHOT again interrupts the normal film.
33 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND
That confetti's special effects, isn't
Not throw up.
That's why we keep running out of
production money, and having to cut to
a lizard sunning itself on a rock.
I keep having this trouble! Everytime
I come up with a neat idea, I keep
getting this weird side effect. I don't
(spotting MANAGER to MIKE)
There he is!
MONKEES take their places with their instruments. MANAGER walks up to BANDSTAND and takes the mic.
Ladies and gentlemen ...
CROWD starts to get up from their seats and walks to the
BANDSTAND. SPOTLIGHT kicks on.
Could I have your attention, please?
(waving to her father)
And me, me too!
Of course, you too, Princess.
If I say the name, The Monkees, what
do you think of?
CROWD DRAWS BLANK STARES and the only sound is CRICKETS CHIRPING.
Yeah, so do I. Okay, we won't go
How many of you remember going to school
with your Monkees' lunchbox and get
EVERYBODY in the audience raises their hand. CAMERA
on MANAGER is PULLED BACK and we see PETER has
his hand raised.
All of you? It was quite a weapon
though, wasn't it?
I personally thought the finger puppet
was a little bit on the strange side.
Well, you know, forgive and forget,
water under the bridge.
But tonight, singing from their brand
new record, some songs that you probably
won't recognize, along some of their
greatest hits that you've come to know
and love, Harlo and Charlie, Humphrey
and Bing ... also known as Davy, Mike,
Micky, and Peter, it's the Monkees!!
AUDIENCE applauds. MONKEES start into SONG: "Last Train to
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