Written and Directed by Michael Nesmith
Original Air Date on ABC: February 17, 1997
Transcript from television broadcast by Estrella Lee
Davy ... David Jones
Mike ... Michael Nesmith
Micky ... Micky Dolenz
Peter ... Peter Tork
Tour Guide ... Bill Martin (V)
Woman ... Sarah Jones
Young Boy ... James Williams (XI)
Driver ... Mia Perez
Date ... Marco Rea
Guard ... Jon Greene
Manager ... Chuck Woolery
Princess ... Gillian Holt
1 INT.MONKEES' PAD, KITCHEN - DAY
Standing at the kitchen counter is MICKY, in a WELDER'S OUTFIT. On the counter are several glasses that are overflowing with glitter. MICKY is explaining to DAVY, who WEARS AN APRON, what the stuff in the glasses are for.
... has a job instead of us, by
trashing the place?
There's a lot of funny euphenisms for
You know, they were spinning around
and stuff? Well, they had a gimmick!
They were grungy, offensive and loud ...
(continuing in his plane)
Like 'toss your cookies'...
Yeah, exactly. Rich! What's the name
of that other band, the one with the
blood and the make-up? Umm...
No, thanks. You know, they have high
heels, and uh, the guy has a nine foot
tongue. What was their name?
As MICKY is talking, MIKE comes in from another room and comes up to kitchen counter, curious to what MICKY is cooking up.
No, but Davy wants one!
MIKE looks at DAVY strangly, DAVY just holds up his hands and shaking his head indicating that's not what he wants.
Anyway, they're rich too!
... or uh, driving the porcelain bus?
You know, I figured we could become the
world's first throw-up band! You know,
'Hey, hey, we're the Monkees, and people
say we *bleah*!
Kids'll love it!
Two year olds, maybe. Tonight, we're
playing the most prestigious country club
in the city!
The name of the *band* is KISS!
(adding in to his last line)
Could be in the world!
(adding in to *his* last line)
They're like Kabuki metal!
(about the country club)
We can't just go in there and well, I
don't know ...
(rambling more euphenisms)
Blow chow? Although, that's a lot like
Well, it doesn't have to be gross. It
can be more like confetti!
People don't want to see us,
what did you say, 'tossing a sandwich'?
No, but that works. Better if it's hurl
a sandwich, but toss works.
Look, even if does look like confetti,
the club today is always for the best
people. We have to dress up and play it
I can do Tazmanian Kabuki!
MIKE does an IMITATION OF A KABUKI ACTOR, and then blends into a SPINNING TAZMANIAN DEVIL complete with growls. He then returns back to NORMAL.
See, that's great!
DAVY is not one bit happy about the previous gimmick.
No, it is not great. It is silly!
PETER picks up a glass from the counter and carries it to a table. He tries to drink, but the CONTENTS aren't exactly smelling like cafe d'latte.
What's in this stuff?
PETER holds glass, looks at CAMERA, and raises his eyebrow a la SPOCK.
Davy's right. We don't really need a
gimmick! It's like Believe.
I believe for every drop of rain that
falls, a flower grows!
And everytime the Monkees sing, they
DAVY gives MICKY a very disappointed look.
DAVY starts heading towards the REFRIGERATOR.
(confused, to the others)
What? What did I say?
DAVY bends down and opens the REFRIGERATOR.
2 DAVY'S POV - INTERIOR OF REFRIGERATOR
We see an assortment of usual items in here:
a STATUETTE of BEETHOVEN, a REMAINING TOMATO, a BOTTLED WATER, FRESH PINEAPPLE, HARPO MARX GLASSES with nose and hair, RED CRAB, PLASTIC T-REX, and a TOUR GUIDE giving a TOUR to FOUR TOURISTS.
On your right, a replica of a tomato
hurled at Micky during a concert in 1983
by an irate cattleman, who believed he
had purchased tickets to a chili cook-off!
Now if you'll follow me upstairs to the
freezer section, where we'll see what is
believed to be the world's first tv
dinner! A gift from a fan--
3 INT.MONKEES' PAD, KITCHEN - DAY
DAVY looks at the camera with contempt, shakes his head, grabs PINEAPPLE, and closes the door. He proceeds to walk towards the DINING TABLE. Before he takes three steps forward he notices MICKY ADMIRING GLASS OF CONFETTI.
(sternly to MICKY)
Terrible! No gimmicks!
DAVY proceeds to walk towards the DINING TABLE, however MICKY steps up and contronts him.
(blocking DAVY'S path)
Now, how can you say that? What about
all those Davy-falling-in-love stars,
huh? That's a gimmick!
No, I never ever did those on purpose,
besides that was such a long time ago
A YELLOW STAR pops out of DAVY'S EAR and hovers over his head. Davy notices the culprit and eyes it in annoyance.
(indicating HOVERING STAR)
Uh-huh, what about *that* one?
(in strict denial)
DAVY shoos STAR away, but MICKY will not move until he hears the truth.
Well, maybe not entirely! But I did run
into someone the other day, but I didn't
do it on purpose, you know!
(not giving an inch)
It just happens!
DAVY'S wishing he would just be given a break.
But that is not a gimmick!
DAVY manages to get past MICKY, heads to the TABLE, and places the PINEAPPLE on it. PETER walks up to the table.
I can do Donald Duck has a temper tantrum!
True to word, PETER STARTS IMITATING Donald Duck with a temper tantrum.
See, that's great too!
MIKE is standing at the bandstand with the guitar strapped on.
We'd better start rehearsing before
another plot line shows up!
MICKY walks up to the bandstand and takes his place at the DRUMS.
Are we going to dress alike?
Absolutely! People still want to see a
DAVY walks up to bandstand.
How about if we dress as
MONKEES on the BANDSTAND dressed as PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS, complete with masks and tight outfits.
Come on, you guys!
THE MONKEES on the BANDSTAND in normal outfits. PETER straps on his BASS.
Is this the club that wouldn't let in
Ethel Merman because she was wearing
DAVY nods his head in agreement.
Don't you mean Esther Merman, the
No, Esther Williams was the underwater
Then, who's Esther Merman?
Esther Merman was the underwater singer.
Ha, ha, ha!
C'mon, guys! We really do need to
rehearse before ...
WOMAN opens FRONT DOOR and enters pad.
Uh, oh! Too late!
DAVY walks down to greet the WOMAN halfway.
She seems to be in a hurry.
Quick, hide me!! I'm being chased by
guys with cell phones and
(lightning flashes, thunder snaps)
Sorry, darling! We already did that one!|
Hey, hey, Mike, when did we do that one
Ages ago, just no cell phones.
We're starting to rehearse!
WOMAN tries to sell another PLOT LINE.
How about this? I can't remember who I
am! I woke up in front of a bus stop
with a note pinned to my dress that read
(lightning flashes, thunder roars)
'Return to Sender'.
MIKE shakes his head in disagreement.
Wow, that is not bad! What do you think
PETER shakes his head in a definite 'no'.
I'm really sorry, but we have a very
important gig tonight at one of the
world's prestigious country clubs, and
we really do have to rehearse.
This interests WOMAN very much.
Well, can I listen?
DAVY is a little unsure about the idea, but he agrees to it anyways.
Actually, I'm with a friend, do you mind
if they come in?
WOMAN runs to FRONT DOOR and gives a loud WHISTLE. The sound of a STAMPEDE starts to fill the screen. A large group of people run into the pad and stop right in front of the BANDSTAND.
We weren't expecting an audience, but
since you're all here, there's drinks in
MONKEES start performing SONG: "You and I"
4 ROMP SEQUENCE - ICE RINK
4A Monkees on ice rink performing while standing
4B Professional female ice skater skates on rink
4C Monkees on ice rink performing while skating
4D Professional female ice skater skates/dances with Monkees
4E Person in DOG SUIT skates on ice
4F Person in DOG SUIT skates with female
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